Out of Control

Sometimes, I just feel completely out of control. In the midst of a million deadlines, studying for 637583 finals, moving without anyone's help (I even filled out my roommate's paperwork, and changed our lease signing time because she didn't feel like getting out of bed. Pooooor girl. Love her death, but...), there are times I feel like I've actually stopped moving, and the world is just whirling around me. I tend to think, in hindsight, that I would have done anything to make it all stop, or even slow it down, but it's actually these exact times I'm thrown into an almost catatonic state of ennui. This is my biggest flaw, no question- how do I push myself "over the hump" when I most desperately want to sit and do nothing?
I was bored at home last Sunday night and opened up a still-packed box. Inside were piles upon piles of clothes I'd last seen in September, right before I moved (you didn't believe me when I described my mid-whirlwind state as catatonic, did ya? Bet you believe it now!)...and I'd almost completely forgotten about most of the pieces I saw. V-neck Abercrombie sweaters, striped Old Navy cardigans, some old men's Hanes v-neck tees I'd bought (I've had some hipster moments, don't hate). These were items I would now only wear on laundry day, and even then, I'd probably put up a fight. And yet...I refused to put most of it in the "donate" pile.
I realized that my old qualifier for keeping something vs getting rid of it- "it still fits!"- would no longer be discriminating enough to keep my wardrobe from splitting at the seams. I was distraught. Back in the day, if it fit my body and I could find an inch of room for it in a drawer, I kept it. Now, not only did I want it to look good on my body, I wanted it to fit my personal style, and I wanted to have room enough in my wardrobe to actually be able to see what I owned! Caught in a moment between girlhood and something verging on sartorial maturity, I felt the pull...of my bed. "Sit on me," it beckoned. "Embrace your chaos-induced apathy and watch some Catfish reruns!" I felt like the 50-some shirts lying between the box and my bed were threatening to paralyze me, but for once in the last few months, I fought back. I picked up the dusty pink v-neck sweater I'd just tried on. It still fit nicely enough, I'd mused. But it didn't *do* anything for me. It didn't make my waist look tiny, or my boobs look big, or my skin look dewy and glowy (what? Some colors will do that!). It was just there. In that moment, I remembered why I love my industry so much- clothes do things for us. They tell the world who we are, or who we want to be, depending on the day. Even the way we style them communicates something to an outsider about our creativity, our sense of adventure, our likes, dislikes, insecurities. This sweater was everything clothes shouldn't be- there, purposeless, there, covering up who I could express myself to be. Shaken, I threw it on top of the measly "nothin' doin'" pile.
And so it continued for the next 2 hours. If something didn't do my body or style a favor when I put it on, away it went. When I reached the bottom of the box, I was shocked with what I'd chosen to keep: SO. MANY. BASICS. They really are the anchor to any wardrobe, and it's because of those rules I listed- they look good on me (tried and true!), they complement my style, and, quite frankly, they make getting dressed EASY. And that's what I'm all about, right? I just want my mood to translate smoothly into a look, and that's pretty much easy dressing in a nutshell.
So what's my next step here? I still have 4 packed boxes, and after only one (half of which I have since given away), my drawers are stuffed. I think I'm going to go back through the drawers (yes, again) and do the same exercise I did with that box. I'm not really looking forward to the ensuing tedium, but I've gotta say- the idea of my drawers *not* falling apart, and- dare I say it- actually having room for new investments makes my fashion heart do a little jig in its American Apparel high-waist leggings. You know, because I kept mostly the basics.

Packing. GUH.

I could barely sleep last night, you guys! It's the holidays, and this particular holiday season brings with it a TEN DAY (save for one day of working remotely, and I love my job anyway so wheeee) vacation. I've always worked these days of the year- I was a waitress way back when- and last year I stayed in NYC, working while most of my friends were away anyway. I wore leggings and glasses every day, which, don't get me wrong, sounds like comfort HEAVEN right now. I had nothing to be dolled up for, nothing to be excited about. The leggings and specs felt like a luxury at first, but by December 26th I was BORED. 

This year, i'm going back to Washington, DC (where I grew up) for my break. I laid awake last night, excited to see old friends, pondering last year's fashion fate...and wondering what in the WORLD to pack. Although, to be fair, the better question to ask myself should have been "what can I afford to leave behind?"

The leopard pumps! THE LEGGINGS. What about that tunic sweater? I have to take that sweater! Would this sweater be good? Oohhh yeah I need to take that one, for sure!

Five minutes into my sheep-less (and sleepless! RHYMES! I'm on a gingerbread cookie-induced sugar high, kids. So many apologies) reverie, my brain was a scramble of staples, accessories, and footwear that wouldn't match any of it. I started freaking out that my house-sized suitcase wouldn't even fit half of the things I so "needed" to bring.

A less intense version of this wardrobe panic grips me every time I head to the nation's capital for more than a day. It's somewhere between excitement and mild terror. At the heart of it, I know the real reason my fashion Spidey sense goes into overdrive...and I'm not proud of it.

When I go home, I want to impress people. 

I'll run into everyone I ever knew as a kid! The quarterback will wonder why he never noticed me. The computer-nerd-turned-hot-computer-nerd will wonder why he never noticed me. My high school crushes (yes, all 48,564,849 of them) will wonder why they never noticed me. Are you sensing a theme here? Don't even get me started on the classmates I *didn't* like- jealousy, admiration, wonder as to where I got those awesome boots...oohhh, they'll feel it all. Victorious I shall emerge from this unplanned childhood reunion! 

So. Now that I've sufficiently embarrassed myself. I decided I needed a plan for packing successfully. Even if I want to look put together for the right reasons (such as, I just enjoy looking put together), packing still requires a strategy. In this case, my midnight panic has turned into your go-to guide for packing- and traveling- like a fashionista. You're welcome.

1. Check the weather for where you'll be.

It always surprises me how I can get so caught up in outfit planning that I often forget entirely that a new locale sometimes brings with it a new climate. No need to do all that outfit planning only to realize that you'll need to bring- heaven forbid- that warm but chunky sweater that will only emphasize the 1.79 pounds you'll put on from eating all those cookies. Because you know you won't be able to resist the cookies. Or eggnog.

2. Pack the basics FIRST.

Look, I know those hot pink ankle skinnies from Current and Elliott make your butt look awesome, but the "OMG I CAN'T BE SEEN IN THE SAME THING TWICE!" factor counts them out as a basic. No one's going to call you out for wearing solid navy denim twice, and I doubt you'll mind wearing those standbys more than once anyway. Same goes for leggings and solid camis. 

Oh, and if you pack more than one pair of blue or dark-rinse jeans and count them both as basic items, I'm onto you, Grant.

3. Shoes!

Shoes are really my favorite part of the packing "experience," for a few reasons. First of all, "I only had 1 suitcase. Sad face. :(" is a GREAT excuse for wearing only flats and booties. Yes I realize they're all I EVER wear, and no, it's not a problem. Boss lady, if you're reading this, I promise I'll wear heels for New Year's though!! Maybe. Probably. Definitely. Eh.

Second, how many pairs of shoes do you need to bring, really? 

Don't answer that.

4. Sweaters, tunics, and tees.

Two of each should be plenty. You're going to eat, you're going to be merry, and you are NOT going to want to wear any of those tight tanks that looked so good in the summer. They will be tight, you will look seasonally ridiculous, and you will most likely feel more self conscious than hot. Not worth it. If you insist on showing off those toned arms even though it's -15 outside, bring 1 or 2 flowy cotton tanks. They look great under a sleek boyfriend blazer, and pairing with that smart layer makes it look totally winter right, even though we all know you're just waiting to take that thing off and surreptitiously flex your guns.

5. Accessories and Second Layers.

A sweet scarf or a streamlined loose blazer take leggings and a tee from casual and laid back to fashion-forward and put together in seconds. All you have to do is swap out the Chucks for some knee high boots. I know the sneaks are comfy but you'll appreciate the quick and easy mood change.

6. Special Pieces.

This part is actually the most fun, I must admit (ok, so it's not the shoes. Sigh). That silky strappy billowy midnight blue tank you bought on sale in August- and still has the tags on it- can finally come out of the closet! No, I'm not speaking from experience. -s. Plural. Hmph. 

So pack that sweet festive shirt. Bring the sparkly A-line dress. You can even pack the pink C&E denim. Just don't count them as a basic so that you can bring another "special" item. You get 3 of these special pieces, NO EXCEPTIONS. I know your special pieces have a beckoning call similar to that of a Siren, so preemptively have your men (your stylist pal, gay best friend, roommate, whatever, I don't care) tie you down, a la Odysseus. We all know you'll need the enforced restraint.

Lastly, pack the forgotten stuff. I have PJs and underthings at my old house- where I stay- so I don't need to pack them. That said, maybe you do. Think about your vacation needs, what you'll be doing, where you'll be going. I think through who I'll be seeing and the activities I'll be getting into. The forgotten stuff is sometimes the most important, so if you have to remove a special piece to make room...well, I feel sorry for you but them's the cards.

Oh, one more thing!! Wear layers and your bulkiest shoes when you're in transit. The train is gross and sweaty, and then freezing, then hot again...ugh. Nothing is worse than finding yourself on a stuffy train in a pullover sweater. That's the stuff nightmares are made of. As for the shoes, I wear my knee-high boots to save packing room for the special pieces. Duh.

Keep in mind, this list is based on a week and a half trip. You might have to trim the numbers of items you bring, although the ratios should remain similar. 

So travel in comfort, get home safe, and show off your fabulous style to those hometown kids you felt like you never quite measured up to. Or, ya know, just have a blast on vacation with your pals. Either one.

Mint Chocolate Mousse Pie

So, I've gotten a lot of inquiries as to how create the pie so beautifully advertised in my last post (eh, I like my work. Deal with it.), and I have decided to bestow upon you the gift of the recipe! Your taste buds are welcome in advance.
*Recipe is adapted from a Baker's Baking Chocolate recipe which is no longer available*

Note- this recipe is a LOT easier if you put the whisk you'll be using in the freezer for 20 minutes before making. Whipping cream by hand is reeeally tiring, and it whips faster if the tools you use are cold!

Also, do feel free to substitute the Yorks with peanut butter cups (you'll only need about 8) and the chocolate wafers with nutter butters for the crust. The resulting peanut butter chocolate mousse is incredibly rich- the perfect decadent dessert for the peanut butter lover!

Mint Chocolate Mousse Pie

Ingredients:

15 Chocolate Wafer Cookies
2/3 Cup of Butter
2 Cups Heavy Whipping Cream
1 Bar (4 Oz.) of Semi-Sweet Baking Chocolate
10 Mini Peppermint Patties (the Halloween candy size)
2 Tablespoons Confectioner's Sugar

To make the crust- Crush wafer cookies to a fine powder. Historically, I've put them in a Ziploc bag and crushed them with a textbook...could just be me taking my school frustrations out on my baked goods, but whatever. Add softened butter to the cookies and mix until the butter is evenly distributed. Pour this mixture into an 8 1/2"-9" pie tin and spread evenly; bake at 325 degrees for 15 minutes, or until the crust is firm (it's ok if it's a little shiny still).

To make the mousse- Put the baking chocolate, peppermint patties, and 1 cup of heavy whipping cream into a large mixing bowl. Microwave for 45 seconds; stir. If there are still solid pieces, microwave more in 10 second intervals, stirring after each time. Repeat until you have a smooth chocolatey liquid mixture.
In another bowl, whisk 1 cup of heavy whipping cream with 2 tablespoons confectioner's sugar. Whisk until stiff peaks form (typically takes me about 10-15 minutes).

 

The folding of the whipped cream.

Spoon whipped cream into the chocolate mixture, carefully (I can't emphasize this enough) folding it, dollop by dollop, into the chocolate. This process takes a bit, so don't get frustrated! Totally worth it in the end.
Once the whipped cream and chocolate have been combined, pour it into the crust and put in the refrigerator for 4 hours.

 

Consistency of the pie, post-refrigeration.

For decoration, I like to make more whipped cream and put a dollop in every other scallop of the pie tin, putting a piece of peppermint patty in each one. Makes it look so pretty!

 

Post-decoration finished product!

The peanut butter version!

The last step- take a big ol' slice. You earned it!

Pies N' Thighs.

So, today is Monday.

Booooo.

For whatever reason, I was compelled to try on my skinny fat jeans this morning. What are "skinny fat jeans," you may ask? They are my disturbing gauge for whether I am losing weight...it's more effective, and less demotivating, for me to try on pants that don't fit (I'll get to that) than it is to step on a machine that reduces my efforts to a number. Weird, I know.

Anyway, so I tried them on this morning...and they were SO. FREAKIN'. TIGHT. I could hear my belly pooch eeking out a meek "help meeee!" over the sound of my angrily pulling starchy denim.

I felt awful at first. A year and a half ago, I lost a significant amount of weight (10 pounds is a lot when you're only 5'3"), and I will reluctantly admit that I have been a bit paranoid about gaining it back. I was waiting tables when I lost the weight, which helped of course, and now I sit at a desk all day. Between work and school, I just don't have time for the gym. Or at least that's what I tell my exercise-averse self. 

During the summer, it kind of is what it is. I'm happy to walk anywhere and everywhere, and heavier foods just aren't appealing to me. But now it's winter, and all I want to do is curl up under a throw blanket with a big bowl o' New England clam chowder and french fries (don't judge me). And maybe a slice of this:

My mint chocolate mousse pie I made for Thanksgiving....Yes, it was as delicious as it looks. But, really, it was probably better.

My weight woes got me thinking about winter style though. It's a funny thing- as the fashion world becomes less accepting of the former eating-disorder-skinny norm, winter staples and shapes have become more voluminous. I think maybe we are finally (FINALLY!) being encouraged to enjoy ourselves during the holiday season. The writing's on the wall, isn't it? The slouchy silhouettes, the tunic-style sweaters, that whole big-top-skinny-jeans combination that's been so popular the last few years...at long last, women are allowed to indulge, and can be fashionable while doing it.
I felt a lot better, thinking about this...and my short-lived panic attack gave way to far more fun thoughts- oohhhh, who's making the best cozy baggy sweaters right now??!!
As always, J.Crew knows what's up. If the product has the word "boyfriend," in its title, it means 3 things- 1) it's slouchy, 2) it's cozy, and 3) I WANT IT.

Boyfriend V-Neck Sweater

You can also go the sweatshirt route; sweats are super trendy this season, and a lot of designers (Alexander Wang included (!!!)) are styling them up. For those of us who can't afford Alexander's fantastic creations, however (ahem.), J.Crew does it again-

Slouchy Sweatshirt

Madewell does some great stuff too, of course:

Madewell Sweater

And...I wouldn't be me if I didn't recommend Gap. Seriously, dudettes- these guys have EVERYTHING, from the big knits, to the colored denim, to the brightly printed scarves that you MUST (no, really, I demand it) layer on top.

Gap's Perfect Layering

Hey there, cozy gal- you're missing this infinity scarf:

SCARF!

It was a little too warm for sweaters today, so I pulled the old baggy tank trick.

Literally everywhere you look, there are these echoes of comfort...and not only are they holiday weight gain options, they are actually the trend for once. So go ahead, eat that side of mac and cheese, and don't you dare waste the time you could be shopping on guilt. Unless it's http://www.gilt.com . Then it's ok.

Oh, P.S. for all you "but I caaaaan't..." -ers out there- if you do insist on indulging as healthily as possible this season...and, dare I say it, I guess that's not a bad idea- here's a great go-to guide from one of my favorites:

Tips for Indulging Healthily...

How do you guys dress and eat for the holidays?

I have a problem.

Hi. My name is Jess.I'm 25, petite, and outspoken. Seriously, my opinions are inversely correlated with my size. I've got a love for hockey that just won't quit, I wear pink on Fridays (and most days in between), and I'm a sucker for a tequila-based cocktail (hey, we've all got our weaknesses. I like to think mine just happen to be adaptive). I'm almost through my masters degree- by the grace of God, luck, and Starbucks- I have a job I love, and I live in NYC. Life is good! But, um...There's a problem.
I *have* a problem.
My name is Jess, and I am addicted to fashion.
It is BAD, you guys. You know that glazed-over look on your boyfriend's face every Sunday at kickoff? That's me when I find out Celine has produced a new "It" bag (presumably out of lucid dreams and pixie dust...and maybe some calfskin leather). During New York Fashion Week, oh God, I'm a lost cause.
If Lucky Magazine: the Post-Grad Years were a thing/person, her name would be Jess, and she would basically live in motorcycle booties.
But I digress...
To me, fashion does the impossible. It transforms me. It's like, when you were growing up and could never quite decide which Spice Girl you wanted to be. Fashion means YOU NEVER HAVE TO CHOOSE. When ten-year old me figured this out...oh man. Mind BLOWN. This week alone, I've already been Baby, Sporty, and Posh (I could never quite pull off Scary, and I save Sexy for special occasions. Like New Year's, my birthday, Halloween, and those "run-ins" with exes that are *absolutely* never planned. Ahem.).
The right clothes, accessories, colors tell the world a story. Today, my story is that I ate a LOT yesterday, went walking around the mall today, and it's possible that I haven't washed my hair (slouchy sweater, leggings, booties, and a topknot. Don't judge.). Yesterday, my story was "hi, my name is Zooey Deschanel, nice to meet you" (sparkly, empire-waisted A-line dress with ballet flats. 'Nuf said.). I could have done a freakin' curtsy and it would have felt right.
My point is this: I LOVED pretending when I was little. I loved figuring out how the personalities I pretended to be felt, what made them tick. I got a kick out of being in people's heads because, let's be honest, I was a curious and nosy kid. Through fashion, I'm able to keep pretending. Children totally have it right- you don't wake up feeling the same every morning, so why shouldn't the way you look reflect that?

The aforementioned "Zooey" dress.

This blog is going to be a sartorial journey through my life, my experiences, and my inspirations. If y'all are lucky, I'll even get a Pinterest to make that last bit easier. But I'll probably get distracted by Refinery 29 mid-Pin, so...yeah, don't count on it.